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Re: 2 questions...
 Author: uuBnjhZTgb October 11, 2015 at 23:32:58 
in reply to: Re: 2 questions... posted by Adam on December 7, 2008 at 15:41:31
    My husband reetlcny took a position that requires him to be out of the country for week/s at a time and as I was reading your thoughts Aimee, our latest conversation comes to mind it can be tough waking up to how much I depend on my partner emotionally, for support, grounding, and even reality checks at times. BEing apart has helped me see how important he is in my life, as well as to start to face what I bring to the relationship in the few precious moments we have to connect on facetime, or phone daily. Last night I started out running through all the frustrations of my day, venting if you will, and for a moment we got literally disconnected. As I waited for him to call back, it hit me if this was it, what would I want to create with him in the few moments I have surely not rehashing all the negativity of the day and then it dawned on me SHIFT THE FOCUS. When he called back I started sharing some of the best parts of the day, likewise he did too and our emotional energy dramatically changed! We both spent time encouraging one another, affirming one another and while it's never quite the same as when he is here, I feel loved, cherished and secure about where we stand, even if its across an ocean. I encourage couples facing long distance to make time to share your dreams, joys and encouragement with one another especially those private intimate thoughts that normally accompany your intimacy when together its not only fun, it helps keep all sorts of relational sparks alive in your relationship. I'm learning distance is an opportunity to also get super clear about how we want to be with one another in those precious times we are together, to think outside of all boxes about how to affirm my partner in new ways, and a chance to uncover those deep attachement fears that creep up in the quiet moments. InsecurityWhen I think about our first month of marriage, I would come home from a tough day and pick a fight my husband would simply hold me and say Do you need attention amor? Often this was all I did need, and it made it possible for us to get past the unintentional relational barbs I had thrown, and start to connect in a deeper way that I hadn't even realized I was yearning from him. I would actually encourage couples to be open with one another about what comes up for them, and also to give their partner fair warning. If going into insecurities, be courageous enough to go even deeper inside to draw out what need is going unmet for you and willing to share this with your partner, as oftentimes talking about one's own insecurites will trigger your partner's own insecuritites as well (hence the unwanted drama) Then find ways to communicate those needs to your partner, focusing on where you two can go, versus on what is somehow missing ie my fears that came up today are helping me realize that I need X from you today love. Is there anything you need from me to provide me with X? And let the emotional distance simply disappear as you two talk heart to heart! It's not so bad to recognize what each other's insecurities are, and yet the bigger opportunity is to learn the true gold what my partner's really needing! It's an amazing intimacy building experience to be able to not only know my partner's needs, also to fufill on whatever it is I can and see our bond strengthen and thrive! It's not easy to be absent from one another on a regular basis, yet knowing that when I talk with my man we will talk straight, lovingly, and focus on what matters has me looking forward to our calls and keeps me going throughout my day. Thank you for letting me share    
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